Currently

Blah. I'm sleep deprived from Cathy's Bachelorette Party, combined with Harper being awake from 1:45am until past 3am last night. He's still not sleeping thru the night. Waaahhh.

I'm currently frustrated.
I know you're dying to know why.

My sponsor answers her phone about 1 out of every 4 times I call her. Yes, she has a life of her own, but I do not feel like she is as available as I need her to be. Currently thinking of beginning a search for a new sponsor.

From someone who has a bit of a potty mouth herself, I am starting to get highly annoyed at people who swear in meetings. Every once in a while is one thing, but when a share is littered with the F word, I am starting to find it just kind of tacky. Currently thinking of looking for some new meetings. Maybe some smaller ones?

I really wanted to send Christmas cards out this year.

I'm still going to.

I bought some that have a slot in the front for a picture. I am going to put a picture of Harper and ONLY Harper in that slot. I weigh around 170lbs right now and I really hate how I look. There's just no way I'm sending a picture of my double chin to all of my friends and family. Currently I am feeling hurt by Tuli's response to this "Harper only Christmas card because I do not want to be in any holiday pictures this year" plan... (...something along the lines of "Are you f*cking serious?!") It's a combination of me being overly-sensitive, and him lacking sensitivity sometimes when I am trying to be vulnerable about my self image.

I don't care how dumb it may sound. My looks are important to me, and probably more so now that I am a stay at home Mom. That may sound backwards, so let me explain:

I could work extra hard, or work on a committee to get bonuses or awards at work. I got "Go Team" emails, and my name was attached to projects. As a SAHM, I know I do a great job, and I hear that regularly too. There's just that part of me that is missing being "known" for something. I want people to see me and say that I look great, well-rested and healthy.

I am tired and grumpy. Sensitive.

I raked all the leaves in the front yard today. It was satisfying. And tiring. But mostly satisfying. It's taken me 3 rounds of trying to clean our room/fold laundry/change sheets/put laundry away (thanks to the adorably high-maintenance baby who I love dearly), and I'm still not done. Currently wanting a maid. One who is also a masseuse. And who will work for free.

So, Santa Claus should have my list now.

A pro-bono maid/masseuse
A baby who sleeps thru the night
An on-call sponsor
A meeting where people don't need to drop the F bomb to make their point
A partner who validates my self-image issues
A better self image

(Oh...and Santa can take back the 25 extra pounds he gave me last year for Christmas. Harper and I appreciated them a year ago, but I'd like to return them now. Thanks.)